12 Aug Non Ejaculation – Behind The Scenes
Usually when I speak about non ejaculation it’s in the context of men and from a practical level of what it looks like for them. This time, I’m writing from the POV of a Woman.
“Non Ejaculation is a Tantric practice of Brahmacharya which is a sustenance of the sexual energy through controlling your ejaculation”
It’s easy to write about this and even easier for me as a woman, however for men who are actively practicing this one, i bow to you for your dedication and will power. This practice is no joke! Men and women experience this practice in their own unique ways. Dependant of our own personal experiences, attachments, relationships with sexuality and pleasure, as well as societal programming and conditioning around pleasure and ejaculation. This is a HUGE topic guys!!
When i became sexually active, regardless of my pleasure, it was always gratifying and rewarding when my partner would cum. I’m sure as a woman you can agree with me here?!
I mean, even the way we, as women, are engaging in sex is very Orgasm driven. Both genders are after the pleasure and the peak of it. It’s the way we have seen it done in movies, porn, it’s the way we have learnt and experienced Intimacy…. so our brains are hardwired to believe this to be true. BUT…what goes up just come down right?!
And I’m sure we can all agree on the very noticeable decline in a mans state once they have ejaculated. (This goes for women too but I will dive into this in another post for you all)
So according to Ayurveda, Taoism and Tantra, when a man ejaculates, he looses a huge amount of his vital life force energy. His body’s energy is then heavily required to build this life force up again until…..its emptied and……again and again and again…You see where i’m going with this.
“When we learn the art of Brahmacharya, we get to keep this life force energy inside the body. As it expands and builds, our bodies (energetic, physical, mental, spiritual) all get to reap the juicy benefits of this orgasmic energy. This is where the real fun begins. We learn how to use this energy, re direct it and use it to fulfil our infinite potentials”
It makes total sense when you really think about it and it’s one of the foundations of most spiritual paths (in different forms) and in Tantra, this form is practiced and cultivated by non ejaculation.
As women, there are soo many ways we can support our men when they are practicing this challenging art. So that’s what I’m going to dive into now.
I’ve experienced intimacy with partners practicing non ejaculation and have noticed patterns and the level of challenge for them, based on my level of awareness and support. So, this is my personal experiential advice that I have noticed throughout my Tantric journey so far.
I feel it’s important to talk about this and how we, as women can be supporting and encouraging our partners by committing to our own versions of this practice with them. This practice benefits the evolution of our beloved as well as us and our partnership.
I’m assuming you know the basic concept of Shiva and Shakti and the embodiment of these masculine and feminine aspects of ourselves (and if you don’t, you can click here to read more)
When we engage in love making in a Tantric way, with this practice, we are making a silent and very deliberate commitment to our higher selves to expand our consciousness and elevate our spiritual awareness.
“Love making IS sacred”
Enter the space with reverence and devotion. Say a silent prayer to yourself and to your partner. Engage in full presence with your partner through stillness, eye gazing, connecting through touch, synchronised breath. (Click here for more practice ideas)
Continue the level of presence when you are being penetrated by your partner and remind yourself AS MUCH AS YOU NEED TO, that ORGASM IS NOT THE GOAL. Your mind will drift and your body will want to give in to the urge to be consumed by genital sensations and pleasure in the way you have learnt to feel it. STAY FOCUSED and bring yourself back to the present moment.
This is where you, as a woman, needs to access your inner Shiva. Why? Because the energy flow running through your man is all Shakti baby! And in order to create polarity harmonisation, we need to access our inner will power and stillness ,so that we can support our partners through their process of cultivating their Shakti life force energy in a different way than what they are used to.
“So, how do we access our inner Shiva while love making?”
Meditation, prayer, focus, breathing, staying as present as we can with each sensation in each moment. Once again, it’s easy to write about, easy to read about and can be easy in the start of love making HOWEVER, once that intense pleasure kicks in, we need to be strong willed remind ourselves of the bigger goal here so that our hardwired pleasure brains dont take over.
We can also physically help to redistribute this energy around our partners body. Instead of it all being contained in the genitals, rub your mans body and activate it with your touch so the focus isn’t totally on pleasure or his Lingam. You can even stop and have love making breaks and give your partner a full body massage. This will help him tremendously.
Using sound or mantras, silently or out loud, is another way of accessing your Shiva nature. This helps by directing the focus of the sexual energy upwards to the higher chakras.
As a Woman, our sexual energy has GREAT pull over men. If we are giving in to our pleasure ONLY and focusing on our genitals ONLY, our Man’s energy will follow where ours is flowing. This is not helpful or supportive of their practice.
This practice is A LOT easier for our men if we are also abstaining from Orgasm. During the moments of orgasm for us, our Yoni’s are contracting and ‘pulling’ our partners Lingam and life force energy with it. Again, their energy is flowing with ours so this makes it a lot more challenging for them. So…again…remind yourself AS MUCH AS YOU NEED TO AND CAN; ORGASM ISNT THE GOAL
This takes a lot of commitment and will power in order for us to stay in each others team but the rewards and evolution is infinite and so worth it, I promise!